time

Wow. It feels like time rushes by so quickly. I want more time. How did Jesus fit so much into His time on earth and yet have time to rest and regroup? I have been trying to focus on Jesus even when things are busy and seem harried. Usually it's because I made it that way! I'm trying to learn what Jesus wants me to do and what needs to be left for another time (or put in the never category). I have 2.5 wks left here in Angel's Camp. I have been faithfully counting down time till I get to see/be with the husband again. Now--all of a sudden--the time is here and I wanted to do so much more. Go Yosemite. Spend more time with my family in Redding. Finish up my business law class. Work some overtime, etc.,etc. But somehow in all this Jesus is not stressed. He has a plan where I finish everything that needs to happen before I leave! Big news! I have another nephew. That makes two darling handsome nephews. The nephew came on the day in between his dad's birthday and father's day. Now that's what I call a very nice present. Good work Kedrick Elijah! :)

Come apart and rest awhile

I stared at the page in my journal. "Come apart and rest awhile," the words glared up at me seeming to take a life of their own. Ok, Jesus what are you trying to say? I feel like I have been on this journey alone. ALONE (well except for the husband). Wandering around in the desert. I feel like Moses. Just me and the sheep. Oh yeah and why is that bush on fire? Going from place to place like a nomad. No home--15 different abodes in the past 12 yrs. Isn't this "apart" enough?

And me, always asking Jesus why. Where is my home? I look jealously at Verda. My sister who is my junior by ten years. She is in a place I vainly attempt not to lust after. Surrounded by people who love God, who bring God into the practical and mundane. They bring Him along to the dirty dishes at home and wiping poop off of bottoms at work. They share words of knowledge (insights into other people's lives given by God) with each other. Bring joy and remind each other to laugh at the lies they are stumbling on. It looks like a glorious sense of home to me.

Mom and two of her daughters took a roadtrip to Eureka to see the other daughter. On the way we told each other lies we were believing and then laughed at them. Bahahahaha! Basically we fake laughed until we made each other really laugh. It was a trip filled with sunshine and hope. Belief that goodness was present with us and waiting around the corner.

Dad turned 60. The big 6.0 as he called it. He had a party where all the neighbors, friends, and friends of friends attended. The house was filled with joy, laughter, and prayers. I went from individual to individual hoping--begging really--for a few crumbs to fall from the Master's table. Asking for words of knowledge and hope for my husband and me. It all boiled down to a desperate longing for hope. I was told that I do have a good connection to the Father. That I hear Him clearly. Told that my husband is doing the right thing in taking steps of faith forward in a dream that looks impossible. Given direction to step into my calling of ministering to the ill (it's easier than it looks they said!). Reminded that my love can change the lives of the patients that I see everyday.

My husband has been away for a month. The small frustrations that are a part of living with someone on a daily basis became appealing. I wished for the unwashed dishes in the sink or the laundry that never got switched over while I was at work. Even the heated discussions regarding directions and road navigation seemed like a welcome change to the endless space in the bed and the silence that surrounded me as I prepared for work. He surprised me by showing up at my parents during my week off of work. Mom said, "Sorry, you are going to have to share your room." And there he was!

I dropped him off at the airport this afternoon. We shared a piece of carrot cake and then all too soon I had to go back to my single ways. I fumbled my way out of the parking garage, nearly crying with frustration. Did I already become the dependent wife? Where is Miss Independent that my husband dated two short years ago? Or is it that I am still trying to be the Good Little Mennonite House Wife who can't make her own decisions (no offense to the GLMHW who make big decisions everyday)? When we got married, I told myself that I will never be like some other wives who take their husbands for granted. That I would treasure him and every moment we had together. So far that has not been a problem. It feels like whenever I am even tempted to take his presence for granted, we have been separated for a length of time. Sometimes only a week, but mostly it has been several weeks or longer. He amazes me with his wealth of wisdom about ordinary life. His ability to think things through and sequence events is like no one I have ever met. His personality has forced me to change into a stronger, more visible person. Is it any wonder that I miss him? That I feel like a part of me has died, every time he leaves. And then it's back to me all by my lonesome. Him--just a phone call away, but not close enough to touch. Really Abba is this necessary?? What is it Holy Spirit that I am supposed to learn from this?? Tell me so that I may learn quickly and forget this "nonsense" of being apart.