visits and thoughts

Mom and Dad came to see us twice in the past two weeks. They drove through on their way to Kansas and back. It was really nice to get to chat although the time was quite short. Made me think fondly of the hours spent around their table and on their deck in CA. We talked about everything we could think of and then some. And of course drank tea. They were brave and slept on a air mattress in the living room. Work has been busy. My ER saw a record of 146 patients in a 24 hr period last Monday. It was a record that no one wanted to repeat (except for possibly the business office). Only 6-7 yrs ago the ER was less than 15 beds (I think?) and now we have a 30 bed ED that still does not hold everyone! Makes me think of the old adage, "If you build it they will come." I have been thinking about my culture and the fact that most people in it do "group think" much better than individual thinking. I wish sometimes that it was not so hardwired into my system. I feel like I should have a big group of people around me the majority of the time. Which does not really happen-- unless I am at work (The chances of me feeling connected to that group varies from day to day). So how do I put this part of my culture to good use and feel ok when I am not in a large crowd???

Home!

Back home in Colorado! I'm so excited to be "home." I went to my old place of work at the local hospital--where I will now be working again. I felt joy at being in a familiar hospital with familiar faces and landscape. I hugged everyone that I knew really hard. The husband and I are renting a one-bedroom apt in Broomfield. It is such a luxury to have our own place and that our home is not on wheels! We don't have to empty the black tanks every week anymore! The kitchen is large for an apartment. I have baked bread and made cake. The cake being for Jon's half-birthday today. =) A special tradition started by his mother. Other joys are the swimming pool, my large laundry room, and lots of storage space. The best part of course is being with Jon and not having to call him to see what he is doing! There is just something about being together even when no one is talking. He welcomed me home with flowers and a new drawing pad! Oh, and I also have room to set up my sewing machine. There is lots of organization to do, but I'm trying to take one day at a time!

I like this picture because of the crack in the rocks. We live in a broken world, yet Jesus brings beauty to the cracks and broken pieces--even when our hearts are split down the middle. I am learning hope and that there is *always* a solution or a way out. Blessings on your week!

time

Wow. It feels like time rushes by so quickly. I want more time. How did Jesus fit so much into His time on earth and yet have time to rest and regroup? I have been trying to focus on Jesus even when things are busy and seem harried. Usually it's because I made it that way! I'm trying to learn what Jesus wants me to do and what needs to be left for another time (or put in the never category). I have 2.5 wks left here in Angel's Camp. I have been faithfully counting down time till I get to see/be with the husband again. Now--all of a sudden--the time is here and I wanted to do so much more. Go Yosemite. Spend more time with my family in Redding. Finish up my business law class. Work some overtime, etc.,etc. But somehow in all this Jesus is not stressed. He has a plan where I finish everything that needs to happen before I leave! Big news! I have another nephew. That makes two darling handsome nephews. The nephew came on the day in between his dad's birthday and father's day. Now that's what I call a very nice present. Good work Kedrick Elijah! :)

Come apart and rest awhile

I stared at the page in my journal. "Come apart and rest awhile," the words glared up at me seeming to take a life of their own. Ok, Jesus what are you trying to say? I feel like I have been on this journey alone. ALONE (well except for the husband). Wandering around in the desert. I feel like Moses. Just me and the sheep. Oh yeah and why is that bush on fire? Going from place to place like a nomad. No home--15 different abodes in the past 12 yrs. Isn't this "apart" enough?

And me, always asking Jesus why. Where is my home? I look jealously at Verda. My sister who is my junior by ten years. She is in a place I vainly attempt not to lust after. Surrounded by people who love God, who bring God into the practical and mundane. They bring Him along to the dirty dishes at home and wiping poop off of bottoms at work. They share words of knowledge (insights into other people's lives given by God) with each other. Bring joy and remind each other to laugh at the lies they are stumbling on. It looks like a glorious sense of home to me.

Mom and two of her daughters took a roadtrip to Eureka to see the other daughter. On the way we told each other lies we were believing and then laughed at them. Bahahahaha! Basically we fake laughed until we made each other really laugh. It was a trip filled with sunshine and hope. Belief that goodness was present with us and waiting around the corner.

Dad turned 60. The big 6.0 as he called it. He had a party where all the neighbors, friends, and friends of friends attended. The house was filled with joy, laughter, and prayers. I went from individual to individual hoping--begging really--for a few crumbs to fall from the Master's table. Asking for words of knowledge and hope for my husband and me. It all boiled down to a desperate longing for hope. I was told that I do have a good connection to the Father. That I hear Him clearly. Told that my husband is doing the right thing in taking steps of faith forward in a dream that looks impossible. Given direction to step into my calling of ministering to the ill (it's easier than it looks they said!). Reminded that my love can change the lives of the patients that I see everyday.

My husband has been away for a month. The small frustrations that are a part of living with someone on a daily basis became appealing. I wished for the unwashed dishes in the sink or the laundry that never got switched over while I was at work. Even the heated discussions regarding directions and road navigation seemed like a welcome change to the endless space in the bed and the silence that surrounded me as I prepared for work. He surprised me by showing up at my parents during my week off of work. Mom said, "Sorry, you are going to have to share your room." And there he was!

I dropped him off at the airport this afternoon. We shared a piece of carrot cake and then all too soon I had to go back to my single ways. I fumbled my way out of the parking garage, nearly crying with frustration. Did I already become the dependent wife? Where is Miss Independent that my husband dated two short years ago? Or is it that I am still trying to be the Good Little Mennonite House Wife who can't make her own decisions (no offense to the GLMHW who make big decisions everyday)? When we got married, I told myself that I will never be like some other wives who take their husbands for granted. That I would treasure him and every moment we had together. So far that has not been a problem. It feels like whenever I am even tempted to take his presence for granted, we have been separated for a length of time. Sometimes only a week, but mostly it has been several weeks or longer. He amazes me with his wealth of wisdom about ordinary life. His ability to think things through and sequence events is like no one I have ever met. His personality has forced me to change into a stronger, more visible person. Is it any wonder that I miss him? That I feel like a part of me has died, every time he leaves. And then it's back to me all by my lonesome. Him--just a phone call away, but not close enough to touch. Really Abba is this necessary?? What is it Holy Spirit that I am supposed to learn from this?? Tell me so that I may learn quickly and forget this "nonsense" of being apart.

Grateful list

Right now I'm grateful for several things.... It is cold here. If it gets up to 35 degrees we think it is a heat wave. At work I'm close enough to the parking lot to go start my car and let it warm up ten minutes before I leave. I can also observe it out the window so that no one steals it. Which brings up another thing to be thankful for! I don't have to worry about it being stolen. Everyone starts their car and lets it run. It is ND after all. We are having our first winter storm. Snow is a four letter word here. As an newcomer I have eagerly anticipated the snow. The oldtimers really hoped that the snow would wait as long as possible to come. At any rate I am enjoying the 3-4" of snow and hot chocolate. The dogs that we are watching for our landlord love playing in the snow. I am only 3.5 blocks from work! It is absolutely lovely! I can sleep til 6pm and still have 45 min to get ready. My drive is less than two minutes. It also means that if it snows or is icey I can walk to work. It takes a lot of pressure off of me to not worry about driving in the snow. On Thurs we leave for San Diego. That means some warm weather! I think it will feel aaaamazing! Think 50-60 degree weather and wearing jackets instead of parkas and snow boots. We will be close to downtown San Diego which means coffee shops will be close! I do miss not being close to a coffee shop. The little coffee shop in town is only open from 10am-4:30pm. I.e. when I am sleeping. In Johnstown we were close to too many coffeeshops to mention. Despite a lack of coffeeshops (or restaurants) here in Lisbon the food here has been fantastic. The nurses I work with make up for the eating out options by being cooks and bakers that are phenomenal. Mary made us all tomato basil soup with dumplings. The best tomato soup I've ever had. Then there is the pies, cookies, cake, veggie dips, etc that show up on the report room table on a daily basis. Could this be why I am not losing weight? Back to San Diego I'm grateful for wonderful in-laws that I look forward to spending time with. Jon's sister is retiring from the Navy after 23 years as a helicopter pilot. We are staying in a hotel in the middle of San Diego, going to a museum (don't know what kind?), and doing a dinner cruise on the bay. Oh! And we are breaking open an expensive bottle of wine that said sister-in-law has had for a few years. A co-worker just gave me a pair of scrub pants and two scrub tops. The scrub pants are basically brand new. For those of you who don't know scrub pants are usually 30+ for a pair. My job is also a big thing on my list. It's relatively easy and is laid back the majority of the time. There is frequently downtime during the night to chat with other staff or with patients. I am only working 3 days a week so I feel I have an easy life. Between work my husband takes good care of me! He does the laundry, the shopping, and some of the cooking. I am fortunate to have a husband who spoils me! It is nice that we are both able to relax and not be rushing all the time. In the past few weeks we have had the opportunity to see lots of family. Jon's family in Colorado was first. We were able to spend time with both his sisters and his mom. Then we went to Canada for a long overdue visit with my cousin Ellie and her family! We are only four hours away! I was able to meet the two youngest children and Ellie was finally able to meet Jon. We spent Thanksgiving with my adopted Grandparents in the twin cities. It was especially nice to be there since my Grandpa had recently been very ill. Although I haven't been able to see any of my immediate family since August I am grateful for the phone conversations,texts, blog postings, emails, and hangout messages that make me feel connected! I am very blessed... it is amazing to see what God has provided for me!

North Dakota

our little grocery store...

welcome to North Dakota

Crowded RV park

now we have more space!

Tried some local cuisine... frozen lime pie.  Good but a little rich!

The view in our park

Drove up to Devil's Lake about a month ago to meet a co-worker from CO.

Tried my hand making a rag quilt.  If I get brave, maybe I will post a picture of what it turned out like.

These are a little blurry, but these are from the trail through the park.

Unfortunately these are in no particular order... Most of them are from when we first came here.  I just signed another contract to stay through til January.  Not sure if I am crazy for staying through a North Dakota winter? For those of you who didn't hear... I've been doing a travel nursing job in North Dakota since the beginning of August.  Jon found a job driving tractor and grain cart for a local farmer.  Corn harvest runs through November so he will be busy for awhile.  If it hadn't been for that, we probably would have left when my contract ended on the 31st.  Hard to believe I've been here almost 3 months!  I don't include Jon in that because he joined me after I had been here for 6 weeks.  He was busy tying up loose ends in CO...finishing emptying our house, getting our house rented out, helping his mom getting moved into an apartment, etc.  He did drive up to see me a couple times. 

We just spent a short week end in Minn with my adopted grandparents, Bob & Karen. It was nice to be able to see them and catch up.  It went too fast.  I was kinda tired the whole time because I have been on a night schedule.  Karen made us their famous fudge.  We brought some home with us and it is almost gone.

I've been learning that it is okay be human.  I hate it a lot...but I am human and I will make mistakes. I ran our new car into the fire grate tonight.  I think it can be repaired to look fine, but there's money down the drain.  =( Told Jon that I'm not used to having new things and having to be careful with them.  I think that's part of the reason we never got new things when I lived at home...  because then everyone would have to be careful... (well and the fact that there was no money).

Working at a new job also makes me realize how human I am.  I made some goofs here and there.  Nothing serious, but I hate making mistakes.  I feel that I need to beat myself up to make up for the errors.  Well, that doesn't help!  And if I did that everytime I made a mistake (home, work, out & about, etc) I would never stop with the whipping of myself.  So somewhere in there I have to let go and forgive myself. 

Jon reminds me that the work system is different than what I am used to.  Paper charting definitely is less precise than electronic charting.  It really doesn't help that I can't read our main physician's handwriting.  It is such a small--almost inbreed hospital that everyone knows what everyone else is doing.  Sometimes better than the individual does them-self.  I got a bit annoyed when a couple different nurses went over my things and reminded me that I missed a sign off or something similar.  Now I do the same thing.  Ha!  It's funny--not haha, but ironic...  how almost every patient has a history with one of my new coworkers--or is related to their cousin or husband or uncle.  I thought we weren't in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.  Oh wait!  This is more small town then Kansas... 

This week I am planning to do two tests to help complete my bachelor of nursing degree.  Have to drive to Fargo--the nearest metropolitan area--which is over an hour away.  Not used to being so far from civilization.  Even the "restaurants" in our town are sketchy.  More like greasy spoons....  There is one coffee shop but it is open from 10:30 to 4pm.  Seriously!  Those are the hours when I am most likely to be asleep or just crawling out of bed.  Makes me a little cranky.  However, we do have a gas stove in our RV that works really well.  Tonight I made pumpkin banana bread and added streusel to the top.  I'm glad I did because it seems it could have been bland without it.

But not to complain...  I've enjoyed the "honeymoon" with Jon.  It's probably the most and least stressful time that we've had together since getting married.  We spend a lot of time just around the RV relaxing...him on the computer with his game and me reading a book or playing in the kitchen.   I feel we are closer and I can see his heart better.  I can feel his love and not over think e v e r y   single thing (i.e. are we still going to be okay if I messed up?).  We have had lots of time to relax and really enjoyed it. 

Even work is a break.  It is usually not that busy and is my social interaction.  It's all females except a couple of the docs and the maintenance guy.  Imagine the estrogen.  Fortunately I only work nights so I stay out of most of the drama. There are two nurses and an aide on duty from 11-7.  That leaves a small enough group to do some easy interactions and chatting to whatever depth that I feel inspired for.  I usually take a book or my kindle along to work.  Many of my co-workers bring their knitting or croqueting.  From what I hear the dayshift is quite busy.  It involves a lot of females running around and being crowded into a small nurses's station.  So I will keep my funny hours. 

Sometime I will explain the hospital structure.  From what I understand it is a typical critical access ND hospital.  Three ER beds, about 12 Medical-Surgical beds, and 12 or so Swing Beds.  Swing beds are long-term care/ rehab beds.  Maybe only in ND?  When I am the charge nurse I am responsible for the ER and half of the Med-Surg floor.  As a staff nurse, I take half the Med-Surg floor and take over all the M/S beds if the charge nurse gets tied up in the ER.  Lots of flexibility and teamwork involved...

anyway, sometimes I wish I had a normal life, but Jon tells me I will never have one of those.  LOL.  And I know it's true...  In the meantime, I am learning lots.  Mostly about patience with myself.  Going to sign off.  Good night!

Bunny rabbit in the front yard

There is life on planet Phillips.  We also saw a bald eagle flying just down the road from us.

The pond behind Bob and Karen's house.  I love how peaceful it is...

My drive to work!

On other notes... we have been working hard in the back yard to get it all finished up.  There was no grass or anything pretty back there, so we put down lots of mulch and are planting boxwoods, spirea, other bushes and other things to make it happy and attractive.  I really love working outside!  I think that is the main thing I will miss at our house is the backyard/garden. I won't miss having a large house to clean (although Jon hires cleaners! =) ) or having too much stuff that I don't know what to do with!

Next week my travel nurse recruiter will start submitting my profile to various hospitals across the states!  I can hardly wait! I am definitely doing a count down.