visits and thoughts

Mom and Dad came to see us twice in the past two weeks. They drove through on their way to Kansas and back. It was really nice to get to chat although the time was quite short. Made me think fondly of the hours spent around their table and on their deck in CA. We talked about everything we could think of and then some. And of course drank tea. They were brave and slept on a air mattress in the living room. Work has been busy. My ER saw a record of 146 patients in a 24 hr period last Monday. It was a record that no one wanted to repeat (except for possibly the business office). Only 6-7 yrs ago the ER was less than 15 beds (I think?) and now we have a 30 bed ED that still does not hold everyone! Makes me think of the old adage, "If you build it they will come." I have been thinking about my culture and the fact that most people in it do "group think" much better than individual thinking. I wish sometimes that it was not so hardwired into my system. I feel like I should have a big group of people around me the majority of the time. Which does not really happen-- unless I am at work (The chances of me feeling connected to that group varies from day to day). So how do I put this part of my culture to good use and feel ok when I am not in a large crowd???

Home!

Back home in Colorado! I'm so excited to be "home." I went to my old place of work at the local hospital--where I will now be working again. I felt joy at being in a familiar hospital with familiar faces and landscape. I hugged everyone that I knew really hard. The husband and I are renting a one-bedroom apt in Broomfield. It is such a luxury to have our own place and that our home is not on wheels! We don't have to empty the black tanks every week anymore! The kitchen is large for an apartment. I have baked bread and made cake. The cake being for Jon's half-birthday today. =) A special tradition started by his mother. Other joys are the swimming pool, my large laundry room, and lots of storage space. The best part of course is being with Jon and not having to call him to see what he is doing! There is just something about being together even when no one is talking. He welcomed me home with flowers and a new drawing pad! Oh, and I also have room to set up my sewing machine. There is lots of organization to do, but I'm trying to take one day at a time!

I like this picture because of the crack in the rocks. We live in a broken world, yet Jesus brings beauty to the cracks and broken pieces--even when our hearts are split down the middle. I am learning hope and that there is *always* a solution or a way out. Blessings on your week!

time

Wow. It feels like time rushes by so quickly. I want more time. How did Jesus fit so much into His time on earth and yet have time to rest and regroup? I have been trying to focus on Jesus even when things are busy and seem harried. Usually it's because I made it that way! I'm trying to learn what Jesus wants me to do and what needs to be left for another time (or put in the never category). I have 2.5 wks left here in Angel's Camp. I have been faithfully counting down time till I get to see/be with the husband again. Now--all of a sudden--the time is here and I wanted to do so much more. Go Yosemite. Spend more time with my family in Redding. Finish up my business law class. Work some overtime, etc.,etc. But somehow in all this Jesus is not stressed. He has a plan where I finish everything that needs to happen before I leave! Big news! I have another nephew. That makes two darling handsome nephews. The nephew came on the day in between his dad's birthday and father's day. Now that's what I call a very nice present. Good work Kedrick Elijah! :)

Come apart and rest awhile

I stared at the page in my journal. "Come apart and rest awhile," the words glared up at me seeming to take a life of their own. Ok, Jesus what are you trying to say? I feel like I have been on this journey alone. ALONE (well except for the husband). Wandering around in the desert. I feel like Moses. Just me and the sheep. Oh yeah and why is that bush on fire? Going from place to place like a nomad. No home--15 different abodes in the past 12 yrs. Isn't this "apart" enough?

And me, always asking Jesus why. Where is my home? I look jealously at Verda. My sister who is my junior by ten years. She is in a place I vainly attempt not to lust after. Surrounded by people who love God, who bring God into the practical and mundane. They bring Him along to the dirty dishes at home and wiping poop off of bottoms at work. They share words of knowledge (insights into other people's lives given by God) with each other. Bring joy and remind each other to laugh at the lies they are stumbling on. It looks like a glorious sense of home to me.

Mom and two of her daughters took a roadtrip to Eureka to see the other daughter. On the way we told each other lies we were believing and then laughed at them. Bahahahaha! Basically we fake laughed until we made each other really laugh. It was a trip filled with sunshine and hope. Belief that goodness was present with us and waiting around the corner.

Dad turned 60. The big 6.0 as he called it. He had a party where all the neighbors, friends, and friends of friends attended. The house was filled with joy, laughter, and prayers. I went from individual to individual hoping--begging really--for a few crumbs to fall from the Master's table. Asking for words of knowledge and hope for my husband and me. It all boiled down to a desperate longing for hope. I was told that I do have a good connection to the Father. That I hear Him clearly. Told that my husband is doing the right thing in taking steps of faith forward in a dream that looks impossible. Given direction to step into my calling of ministering to the ill (it's easier than it looks they said!). Reminded that my love can change the lives of the patients that I see everyday.

My husband has been away for a month. The small frustrations that are a part of living with someone on a daily basis became appealing. I wished for the unwashed dishes in the sink or the laundry that never got switched over while I was at work. Even the heated discussions regarding directions and road navigation seemed like a welcome change to the endless space in the bed and the silence that surrounded me as I prepared for work. He surprised me by showing up at my parents during my week off of work. Mom said, "Sorry, you are going to have to share your room." And there he was!

I dropped him off at the airport this afternoon. We shared a piece of carrot cake and then all too soon I had to go back to my single ways. I fumbled my way out of the parking garage, nearly crying with frustration. Did I already become the dependent wife? Where is Miss Independent that my husband dated two short years ago? Or is it that I am still trying to be the Good Little Mennonite House Wife who can't make her own decisions (no offense to the GLMHW who make big decisions everyday)? When we got married, I told myself that I will never be like some other wives who take their husbands for granted. That I would treasure him and every moment we had together. So far that has not been a problem. It feels like whenever I am even tempted to take his presence for granted, we have been separated for a length of time. Sometimes only a week, but mostly it has been several weeks or longer. He amazes me with his wealth of wisdom about ordinary life. His ability to think things through and sequence events is like no one I have ever met. His personality has forced me to change into a stronger, more visible person. Is it any wonder that I miss him? That I feel like a part of me has died, every time he leaves. And then it's back to me all by my lonesome. Him--just a phone call away, but not close enough to touch. Really Abba is this necessary?? What is it Holy Spirit that I am supposed to learn from this?? Tell me so that I may learn quickly and forget this "nonsense" of being apart.